Archive for March, 2007

Delusional Nova Scotiaria (No-va Sco - sha - re - a)

Published March 31, 2007 in banned words and odd things. 2 Comments

Past posts on banned words (31)

An affliction that affects 4 out of 5 Nova Scotia politicians living on the provincial and municipal taxpayer. Symptoms include loss of judgement, blurry vision and absence of backbone.
Sufferers may show signs of blindness to problems facing Nova Scotia, lack of inspiration, inability to grasp new opportunities, obsession with past, confusion over future, and occasional upset stomach.

A politician you know may be living with Nova Scotiaria

Delusional Nova Scotiaria is not difficult to spot. The Delusional Nova Scotiaria victim might even be your local representative, your mayor or Nova Scotia premier.

 

  • aversion to leadership
  • loss of connection with people and rest of country
  • lack of judgement in advertising campaigns to draw Nova Scotians back from Calgary
  • inability to see writing on the wall with regard to aging population, declining birthrate, loss of young workers who are also taxpayers, Western-based federal government wanting to redress fiscal imbalance - ie buy votes in big provinces and leave small provinces out to dry.
  • absence of vision or plan

Delusionsal Nova Scotiaria can easily be overcome. Simply vote out all afflicted politicians - and you know who they are - in next election and demand something better for healthy Nova Scotians who have staked out an interest here.

Words that should be banned: Calgaria

Published March 31, 2007 in banned words. 2 Comments

Past posts on banned words (31)

Like most ill-conceived, thoughtless and dare we say stupid enterprises, the Delusional Calgaria campaign by Rodney MacDonald’s Nova Scotia government is floundering.

Yesterday, they dropped the word “delusional” after complaints that the campaign trivializes mental health issues. (Thanks to deepti for alerting GT to this.) Now the disease of people who leave Nova Scotia to find work is simply called Calgaria.
 You may call this political correctness. You may call it respect. Your choice.

But real issue remains: Rodney MacDonald’s attempt at a humorous trope to lure Nova Scotians back to this province is hollow and insulting to the very people it attempts to lure back. And if you needed evidence you only had to read the litany of letters from those people published in yesterday’s Herald.

The campaign fails to recognize that Nova Scotia simply cannot match Boomtown Calgary in jobs, salaries and opportunities available. It pokes fun at the people who left the province and it takes a cheap shot at Calgary which enjoys an economy Nova Scotia could only dream about.

As we said before, Rodney, build it and they will come. But build a website, and they probably won’t. Now, you are the one who looks delusional. And you have turned your province into a national laughing stock.

Welcome to new Gifted Typist

Published March 29, 2007 in odd things. 10 Comments

The typist has packed up the old typewriter and moved to a new stenopool.
The new Gifted Typist has been up and running for about a month now, but it’s been in “beta” which is just a geeky word for “I haven’t worked it all out yet.” The blog is now hosted on its own site as opposed to a Google Blogspot. I’m using the new -fangled K2 template on in WordPress, which is a darling of the blog world. It’s been a steep learning curve - K2 being an apt metaphor - but I have reached the summit, with a few scrapes and bruises acquired along the way.
I will keep the old Blogspot up for archive purposes and may link back to it from here but I won’t be adding new posts to the Blogspot.

It’s still officially in Beta. (You know, once you reach the summit, you have to figure out a way down again in order to successfully complete you expedition.)

So here we go. Let me know what you think. All comments and advice is welcome.

Keep coming back.

Words that should be banned: Delusional Calgaria

Published March 28, 2007 in banned words. 2 Comments

3 comments from giftedtypist.blogspot.com

Past posts on banned words (31)

Yes, the Delusional Calgaria campaign to get Nova Scotians back home is cute and funny. Yes, Nova Scotians have a good sense of humour, a great lifestyle, cheaper rentals, smaller traffic jams and a kinder gentler pace of life.

But the cute campaign by Rodney MacDonald’s Nova Scotia government misses the point. It confuses the build-it-and-they-will-come philosophy with a build-a-website-and-they-will-come” approach.

Sure the cute campaign is getting publicity. But to what end? What, Rodney, do you suppose all these ex-pat Nova Scotian are going to come back to? Jobs in call centres? Retail? Fast food? Perhaps they can work on Delusional Calgaria websites.

The Delusional Calgaria campaign doesn’t insult Calgary or Calgarians. It insults the battery Nova Scotians who left - often against their will - to pursue work and opportunities.

Most of them didn’t want to abandon all the great things in Nova Scotia. They left to get good paying jobs and to get them quickly so they can pay off student debt among other things. They left for an enterprise culture that will produce opportunities and skills, the things they need to build their future.

If anyone looks delusional here, it is the government of Nova Scotia for making such a ludicrous pitch. If you build it, they will come. But if you just say it, they will not. And who could blame them?

A Monty Python take on IEDs

Published March 27, 2007 in banned words. 1 Comment

14 comments from giftedtypist.blogspot.com

Past posts on banned words (31)

Here is TagBagger’s Pythonesque take on IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices) which we banned in the previous post. Cynical? Or just calling a bomb a bomb. It was pulled out of GT comments.

1)The ‘good guys’ use REAL ‘Bombs’ - only evil terrorists use IED’s - because they are the bad guys

2)They are also bad guys because they refuse to fight fair by the definition of the “Coalition’ occupying armies - this is very bad, and shows a weak moral war compass.

3)The media uses IED, because it sounds cool, and shows that they appreciate the briefings they get from the good guys. They demonstrate their gratitude by turning off their camera as the Governor General is toured through the army vehicles that have been damaged by the ‘bad evil guys’ IED’s - if they didn’t, one might begin to wonder just who is good, and who is bad - which is a slippery slope.

Remember kids - Bombs=Good (esp. the new smart bombs that only kill bad guys and women and children who will at some point in the future become bad guys for sure)

IED’s=Bad - unfair evil war cheating terrorists heroically fighting the Western occupying armies in their own country… (Oh wait, I’m getting confused here) Bombs=Good, IED’s=Bad, UsGood, ThemBad - always remember kids - the ‘Other’ is always bad.

Words that should be banned: IED

Published March 27, 2007 in banned words. 0 Comments

 7 comments  

Labels:

Why can’t we just call a bomb a bomb?

Sure, there are different types of bombs. There are big bombs, little bombs, fertilizer bombs, smart bombs, pipe bombs, incendiary bombs, doodlebug bombs, cluster bombs, nail bombs, roadside bombs and bath bombs.

IED is military nomenclature for “improvised explosive device.”
Why don’t they just say homemade bomb?

And why do does the media use this lingo? It’s fine for an organization like the military to have its jargon, but if the terminology doesn’t enhance our understanding, then why use it? Just because we can?

IED? Sounds like IUD - Intra Uterine Device - not a roadside bomb.
It also sounds like WMD, a little-roll-off-the-tongue device picked up by media hungry for war ratings in another time and place.

Let’s ban IED and keep the communication real and honest.

Favourite transvestite quote

Published March 25, 2007 in quotes. 0 Comments

Past posts on quotes (24)

Most transvestites are just regular guys, who occasionally like to eat, drink and be Mary

-Joe Joseph ( Couldn’t find anything on JJ. All I know is that he is British. Anyone have any further info?)

What is your FAQ?

Published March 24, 2007 in slack woman. 0 Comments

Slacker answers her FAQs this week. Read here for answers to these and other questions:

1. Where do you stand on the organization Slobs without Borders?
2. Have you conquered your dust bunny problem?
3. What is your position on the male Speedo?
4. Do your beastly felines appreciate unreservedly everything you’ve done for them?

Typist goes AWOL

Published March 24, 2007 in odd things. 4 Comments

 6 comments from giftedtypist.blogspot.com

Due to a combination of circumstances, this typist went AWOL yesterday. This blog and its readers were completely ignored for the entire day with no explanation until now.

Early yesterday morning, one of the young typists was rushed to hospital with a mysterious and potentially serious condition. There were tests on blood, lymph nodes, mobility and other things. There were X-rays, radioactive isotopes swallowed and then gamma rays. There were doctors, specialists, nurses and nuclear (!) medicine technicians and nice people who came around to make sure we were comfortable. There were looks of concern from professionals and at times frightening body language.

And there were hours of waiting for results in small windowless rooms on a beautiful sunny spring day, a day the little typist should have been out playing because there was no school.

In the end, there was happiness and relief. The worst was ruled out. The little typist has a problem but he will be OK.

The keyboard also had a problem - water was spilled on it by the other little typist. But that didn’t rate yesterday. Nothing else rated yesterday.

Imglish lessons #6 Personal ads

Published March 22, 2007 in IMglish. 0 Comments

SWF* is a standard lingo in the world of personal ads IMglish, but personal ads are swimming in IMglishisms, some of which you may know, others you may not. It’s important to understand this special IMglish dialect lest you don’t find what you’re looking for, or worse, you end up with something you weren’t looking for.

B - Black, as in DBF (Divorced Black Female)
BBW - Big Beautiful Woman
plus-size and happy with herself

Bi - Bisexual

C - Christian, as in SWCM (Single White Christian Male)

D&S - Dominance and Submission

DDF - Drug and Disease Free

Fet - Fetish
 
FtM - Female-to-Male Transgendered
 
FWB - “Friends With Benefits”
(friends who have sex without romantic involvement or the expectation thereof)

*Single White Female

Words that should be banned: Rodney Mac Donald

Published March 21, 2007 in banned words. 1 Comment

Not from the gymnasium, from the fiddle or from the step-dancing floor, but Rodney MacDonald should be banned from the playground of provincial politics.

This morning we had an episode of Rodney’s Believe it or Not! featuring our premier on radio answering yet more questions on another cabinet minister’s brush with police. Has our young step-dancing, fiddling-playing premier not learned the lessons of the Ernie Fage affair?

Meanwhile his province is trying to pick itself up again after the sucker punch dealt by Stephen Harper’s budget. It presented Nova Scotia with a sort of Sophie’s Choice for federal support: either give up the offshore accord that would allow this have-not province keep more oil and gas royalties, or receive less money in federal transfers.

For Rodney’s Nova Scotia that means receiving $5 million less if the province opts to keep the accord negotiated with the Liberal government.

While Newfoundland’s premier Danny Williams is spitting bullets and threatening fire and brimstone against Stephen Harper’s Tories, Rodney comes out with a few flaccid comments about federal MPs having some explaining to do. And he won’t even commit to a flaccid comment on campaigning against the federal Conservatives in the next election.

Rodney, your province has a $12.5 billion debt. It’s bleeding workers, young people and taxpayers to Alberta. Its population is aging and needs hospitals, senior’s homes and services. Its resource economy is in decline. And now it’s getting kicked in the head by a Conservative Prime Minister who is doling out the dosh to the big provinces to buy his longed-for majority.

Even if you made it look as though you have a grasp on these problems, you might give us a reason not to ban you just yet. But alas, Rodney, you aren’t even doing a good of pretending.

Let’s ban Rodney MacDonald from Nova Scotia politics.
Let’s get Danny Williams to Nova Scotia. Stat!

Favourite drugs quote

Published March 18, 2007 in quotes. 0 Comments

I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police.

-Keith Richards, British musician

Vivre le clutter

Published March 18, 2007 in Uncategorized and slack woman. 0 Comments

For a brief moment last year, we thought there might be hope for the Back-to-Clutter Movement. Articles appeared in the newspaper talking about the importance of scattering personal things around the house. They even mentioned the C-word: Clutter! Finally, there was light at the end of the neat-tidy-sterile tunnel of home decorating.

But alas the Taste Titans and Style Dictators got to the Clutter People and had them snuffed them out. For more lamentations of a beleaguered clutter artist, read here.

Bad translations # 3 - bad trannies

Published March 15, 2007 in translations. 0 Comments

Here are more bad trannies. Perhaps “trannies” is an ambiguous choice of word implying a man dressed as a woman. Maybe it is a bad translation for the word translation, but alas it has entered my wordscape and will not go away.

On a menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beer soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience we recommend courteous, effecient self-service.

In a Bangkok cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.

In a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

In a Hong Kong dress shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Words that should be banned: Commonweath Games

Published March 14, 2007 in banned words. 0 Comments

Because enough is enough!

Yes, Nova Scotia has a black eye after the Commonwealth bid failure.

Yes, the political leadership here is spectacularly uninspired.

Yes, the Commonwealth bid committee sold a bill of goods when they got us into the bid by saying the games would cost $500 million when in fact the number was closer to $1.7 billion.

Yes, the bid committee treated taxpayers like dupes rather than stakeholders.

Yes, Nova Scotia is aging, facing population stagnation and out-migration, experiencing high taxation compared to other jurisdictions, suffering one of the highest obesity rates in the world, lacking recreational facilities, unable to offer university graduates jobs that will sustain student loan payments.

Yes, Nova Scotia is an insular culture anchored in the past, unwelcoming to new immigrants, resistant to new ideas, and suspicious of the enterprise culture that will generate the jobs, larger tax base and population growth to get us out of this mess.

Yes, all of this is true. And yes, the Commonwealth Games bid has shone a light on the deficiencies.

So now, for the sake of everyone’s mental and physical health, let’s do something about it other than hand wringing. Let’s stop talking about the Commonwealth Games and save ourselves from ourselves.

Posted by The Gifted Typist at 7:45 AM 1 comments