May 01
What? You mean I don’t look like Angelina Jolie?
Cats: slack woman|Men of a certain age have no problem deluding themselves into thinking they are stallions when they strip down to a bathing suit and go to the beach. They can be lumpy, white, pasty with vericose veins all over their legs and still convince themselves they are Brad Pitt on the beach.
Women of a certain age aren’t so easily fooled when they strip down a bathing suit and look in the mirror.
Here is the story of one such woman who tried to convince herself she looked like Angelina Jolie but discovered that the person she looked like was Ellen DeGeneres.
June 1st, 2007 at 4:01 am
You DO look like Ellen! But this is a good thing, because, well, she is as funny and original as they come.
June 1st, 2007 at 4:02 am
And if I had to choose between being Angelina or Ellen, I’d pick Ellen because big lips will never replace a sense of humour!
June 1st, 2007 at 4:17 am
I’m not even sure Angelina is beautiful. She’s like an amalgam of perfect parts but the sum doesn’t necessarily add up to more that the perfect bits and pieces. Or maybe I’m just a bitter jealous chick
June 1st, 2007 at 5:08 am
Oh my, this conversation really makes me want to rent episodes of the old Ellen show. They are so funny, they make my sides hurt.
June 1st, 2007 at 5:10 am
And Angelina Jolie is weird looking. What’s up with adopting children willy-nilly?
June 1st, 2007 at 7:59 am
When I see Angelina I can only see Lara Croft, who as I’m sure you know is the big lipped, large bra-size character in Tomb Raider, a movie created based on the video game. I am not a fan of video games and I’m not a fan of Branjolina.
GT, perhaps you should have opted for the clothing optional beach likely just a short distance away. No bathing suit lines and lots of people who don’t give a darn what anyone else looks like. This is based on speculation only, of course.
June 1st, 2007 at 8:02 am
1) Angelina Jolie is weird looking, and ‘flies a big freak flag’ so to speak. Not in a good way either.
2) More importantly, according to an article in today’s Golbe and Mail, the ape like human ancestor may have used hand assisted, arboreal bipedalism with extended lower limbs, which means that the Yard Ape’s ancestor’s NEVER were knuckle draggers!
June 1st, 2007 at 9:32 am
Gosh, tagbagger, now who is protesting too much
June 1st, 2007 at 9:35 am
YAM, I did option 2 in Spain ages ago. Camped on a nudist beach for a week. All very fun. But now I have kids and the sight of a dis-robed parent sickens them.
June 1st, 2007 at 9:37 am
Expandya, where are you? It hasn’t started yet, has it?
June 1st, 2007 at 10:11 am
Yes. T.E. whom I’ve only recently “met” — has the moon affected you? Can you see your feet yet??
Ditto GT, the YA’s would be just a hurlin’ should they realize my travels
All great fun indeed.
June 1st, 2007 at 12:33 pm
Hi, sorry, my lovelies, I’m here.
I am just enjoying our humidity here and forgot to comment.
Had a doctor’s appointment this morning, everything is good, still on track. Had a contraction on Wednesday night for about 5 minutes (while trying to walk to an Indian restaurant downtown). But so far no baby.
I can’t have the baby until my mum comes back from catching my brother’s baby (she’s in Spain until Monday). I hope the baby comes on Tuesday. I’m ready!
Now, about Angelina Jolie…I’ve got mixed feelings about her. I like that she’s a bit kooky because it makes her stand out a bit from all the blonde lollipop freaks that is Hollywood. She does seem to support good humanitarian causes (not just trying to keep Parasite Hilton outta jail).
I look at her and I’m not sure if I want to slurp her face or tuck it in. I find Bland Pitt to be so bland as to be invisible but they must be having some wicked monkey sex so that might be fun to watch…
You just know she’s in charge! rrrrrrrrrrrowr!
June 1st, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Phew! OK, keep us posted please. It’s always about restaurants with you. You’re either going to or coming from…
Interesting analysis of AJ. Well constructed arguments, clearly and eloquently articulated, neatly presented. Well done.
A+ goes to you (you deserve that mark for the “monkey sex” comment alone! )
June 1st, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Thank you.
And this is the place we went to eat: http://www.kamaindia.com/home.html (it was excellent, nice variety of veg and non-veg items, lovely decor, nice staff)
June 2nd, 2007 at 4:53 pm
This will sound cattier than catty, but have you ever noticed Angelina’s arms? Freakishly large veins, and she has a large noticeable vein in her forehead too. I don’t know why, but ever since I noticed that, I only see veins when I look at her. Sort of like when I gaze upon Reese Witherspoon — I can only see the chin, especially as she gets thinner and thinner. She and Aniston look so much prettier when their faces fill out a bit. I am guessing the same goes for Angelina. If she gained some weight, perhaps the veins wouldn’t pop out so much?
There was a story somewhere today quoting Angelina’s brother … who could forget him?? … saying that she is so thin because she feels guilty eating after all the starving children she’s seen close up. Hmmmmmm.
June 2nd, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Jacy, the veins! It’s true, I had forgotten about that. If she was an injecty drug user she’d have it so easy. (so gross, I know, sorry).
Maybe she should eat the starving children instead? (again, I’m a pig, I know…it’s a gift).
June 2nd, 2007 at 6:02 pm
Just like the old crone in Hansel and Gretel!
June 2nd, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Excuse me Espanya, but if anyone’s gifted around here, it’s me, OK!!!
June 3rd, 2007 at 3:56 am
GT, you’re gifted in a better, more sophisticated way, than me…I’m just crass and goofy.
Jacy, that’s it…she has croney arms.
June 3rd, 2007 at 5:12 am
Espanya, don’t tell anyone but I’m really just a Trailer Park Boy from Dartmouth.
Jacy, what you are correctly describing is the cult of the Hollywood underfed.
June 3rd, 2007 at 5:48 am
It’s so difficult isn’t it – trying to act like a proper Mom, wife, co-worker, etc. when inside you are thinking things that would make a sailor blush. That’s why workplace harassment training is important – you have to know how far you can go without crossing the line!
June 3rd, 2007 at 6:14 am
It is true, GT. Remember how pretty Jennifer Aniston was at the beginning of Friends, when she was packing an extra 15 pounds that softened the angles of her face? Same for Reese. Angelina too looked much prettier when her face was fuller.
It is true what Catherine Deneuve said: As you age, you must choose between your ass and your face. All these Hollywood women are opting for their asses to the detriment of their faces. That’s the wrong call!
June 3rd, 2007 at 6:35 am
Hear hear. On that note, I’m going to have some fish and chips followed by cake.
June 3rd, 2007 at 7:54 am
I know, Jacy. What was it about Friends. The gals just kept getting thinner and boys fatter??? But the Hollywood (Follywood) stick insects should ask themselves this. What gets in the mags more, their faces or their arses. They should look at Denneuve, at how well she’s aged.
Deepti, you’re in the land of the deep fried Mars bar…
H & P, if someone sensible issued rules for good moms, partners, etc, you might stand a chance. Problem is that the rules always seem to come from vested interests like parenting mags, employers etc. And you cn never really win that argument.
June 3rd, 2007 at 10:34 am
I just went for an hourlong run. What I wouldn’t GIVE for some fish and chips!
June 4th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Angelina is hot.
Instead of imagining yourself to be Angelina Jolie (which you risk undermining by seeing your reflection), just imagine that men see you that way.
I assume that is what the men are doing. Personally I just don’t care what other people think…people are stupid.