Here is what men say in personal ads. Sure he’s 40ish, good-looking and likes to cuddle. And can I sell you some swamp land in Florida?

What men say

What men mean

40-ish

52, looking for 25-yr-old babe

Athletic

Sits on the couch and watches ESPN

Average looking

Ugly, unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated

Grade 3

Free Spirit

Would like to sleep with your sister, and her friends

Friendship first

As long as friendship involves nudity

Fun

Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking

Pathological liar

Honest

Pathological liar

Huggable

Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Like to cuddle

As long as nudity is involved

Mature

For a ten-year old

Open-minded

Wants to sleep with your sister but she’s not interested

Physically fit

Spends a lot of time in front of mirror admiring himself

Poet

Has written on a bathroom stall

Spiritual

Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday

polite

Says “please” when demanding a beer