Do you speak Starbucklish?
Cats: culture, words|I didn’t until I walked into Starbucks one day and made the mistake of ordering a “small” cappuccino.
The roll of the eyes on the waiter – oops, barista – said it all: “Don’t ‘cha you know?” he seemed to be saying. “Tall is the new small.”
Of course. Silly me. This is Starbucks. Why settle for small when you can have tall?
Who wants a mundane “medium” when a “grande” awaits? And come on people, it’s no longer cool to order large, it’s venti, darlings, venti.
Welcome to Starbucks, the coffee shop where English is passé. Starbucklish is spoken here. Didn’t you know? It’s the new global language.
Remember that saving “size matters?” Not in Starbucks. In Starbucks it’s what you call the size that matters. Tall, grande, venti. That’s what matters.
So you can throw out those old Merriam-Websters and Oxford English dictionaries because they’re still telling you that “tall” is an adjective you but before the words “basketball player.”
Ha! Will someone please tell them tall is Starbucklish for small?
And while they’re at it, will they ask what the correct adjective is for a basketball player in Starbucks?
October 18th, 2007 at 2:52 am
Whoa GT, didya come into some money or what? I’m saving the washing machine money for my annual trek to SB coming up in late November. Thanks for clearing up the T-M-L aspect of it for me. Perhaps this year I won’t stand there with a line-up behind me while I try to figure out the terminology for a LARGE eggnog latte. So much more sophisticated than a “medium tea with milk”.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:00 am
I’ve never liked — nor understood the reasoning behind — the Starbucklish sizology terminology. Why can’t we order a “small”???
October 18th, 2007 at 5:14 am
I absolutely refuse to order a “grande” anything. It’s stupid and I will not be a part of it.
October 18th, 2007 at 5:49 am
Last time I went into Starbucks I ordered a “Medium Coffee” and oh what a mistake that was. It wasn’t the size issue at first but it did arise, it was the “What type of coffee would like sir”. Now I’ve never really been a hot drink fan, I mean I know what a latte is and a cappuccino but never really grasped the espressos, cafe noir and the mocha, all I wanted was a nice fresh mug of coffee maybe some sugar and milk. She then proceeded to rattle off the entire menu whilst an embracingly large line was forming behind me, I know what’s on the menu its the three large blackboards hanging from the ceiling in front of me! After I gazzed back blankly and shrugged my shoulders she (because she the goddess of brown hot liquid knows best) decided what I wanted was an Americano (what ever one of those is). Well it turned out that it was something close to what I wanted. So the next time I went into a coffee shop it happened to be Costa Coffee, I held my head high and asked for an Americano only to be greeted with a blank expression looking back at me. Why do different company’s have to think up so many different names?????
October 18th, 2007 at 6:59 am
Is it crass and lame to leave a link to what I wrote in February?
http://tanyaespanya.wordpress.com/2007/02/01/stop-haterating-starbucks/
I send you a tall smooch!
October 18th, 2007 at 7:12 am
Note to self: T.E. is RICH! Yam is poor, can only afford one starbucks per year. I refuse to pay that much for a drink unless it’s loaded with booze
October 18th, 2007 at 7:23 am
I have only been to Starbuck’s a couple of times. Between the price and line ups I’ll opt for any other respectable coffee.
The Starbucks personel don’t challenge me. I always ask for a medium sized medium coffee, and that’s what I get. I can see the pause in their eyes, and then the defeat as they think to themselves, “This guy doesn’t care about Starbucklish, he’s waiting for me to say something, he’s ready to attack”. It may work to my advantage that I am a hairy 110kg.
October 18th, 2007 at 7:44 am
YAM, I’ve probably been in SB’s three times in my life. The price bugs me more than the names.
Megan, I’m with here here. Grande’s sounds so damned pretentious.
Ro, it’s like a tower of babel
Espanya, I think I remember that one. And I’ll have a venti smooch
Dick, I wouldn’t challenge you either.
October 18th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
It’s one of the many things I hate about Starbucks. So pretentious.
October 19th, 2007 at 4:58 am
For all of the reasons you so expertly pointed out, I can’t stand Starbucks, and vote with my feet and don’t go there. My friend summed it up best when I heard him call the place SIXBUCKS, because you can’t get out of the place without spending that much.
October 22nd, 2007 at 5:22 am
My favourite Starbucks story lives here.