Jan 11
Weekly column: Down with Them
Cats: Uncategorized|You know Them. And They.
They say this. And we listen to Them because They know.
- They say drink eight cups of water per day.
- You’ll ruin your eyes by reading in dim light, according to Them.
- They say your fingernails keep growing even after you’ve expired.
Well guess what. They are wrong. It turns out that many of the things They say are myths.
We don’t even know who They are. Yet we go around believing Them. We’re like big dumb sheep. We repeat what They say. We think we are right because They said so.
And then They turn out to wrong. And where are They now that they’re wrong. Nowhere to be seen.
They are a big scam. Down with Them
January 11th, 2008 at 4:24 am
My dentist told me yesterday to floss more because “they” say it reduces stuff like gum disease, ginger-vitals and periodontal disease.
Now that I’ve read your column I feel much better — I’m going back to my old habits of flossing whenever I get popcorn or whatever stuck in my teeth.
Hint: keep your bourbon in your nalgene bottle and you won’t have to worry about any of those bad things leaching out.
January 11th, 2008 at 4:31 am
Bourbon in the Nalgene bottle, now you’re talkin’!
January 11th, 2008 at 4:46 am
And tea-coloured water in your Bourbon bottle … that’ll get them talkin’ at the gym. Hell, just take the Bourbon to the gym!!
January 11th, 2008 at 5:53 am
I’m still annoyed about the Nalgene bottles…
January 11th, 2008 at 6:06 am
I’m worried about everything — milk/juice in plastic bags or jugs, chocolates that come in plastic trays. PEI kept glass everything didn’t they? But should they worry about the chemicals used to clean the bottles for recycling??? Or the energy used to make sure they’re good’n clean?
I’d buy a cow and raise it on my back 20, but then I’d have to be concerned about acid rain, my neighbours using weed and feed, and Gawd only knows what all’s coming down the brook that the cow would be drinking from.
Wish I had all the answers…..back to the bourbon in the nalgene bottle I guess, at least I’m happy!
January 11th, 2008 at 6:16 am
It’s calming to have a Voice of Authority, isn’t it? So calming that it’s unnerving to find out that some of this stuff is wrong.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Megan, the VOA. Maybe we are programmed to listened. Maybe that’s why people need church on Sunday.
YAM, I hear you. Sometimes you wonder if these food scares etc aren’t just opportunities to redirect other fears.
Deepti, yes they were marketed in outdoor shops as though they were healthy and outdoorsy…
Tonardo, yes bourbon to the gym. Perfect.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:41 am
I used the same Nalgene bottle for about 5 years. Am I going to die soon?! Wah!
And I drank too much water today- will I die of water intoxication?
I’ve been at this computer for an awfully long time- maybe there’s a furry growth on my brain now.
Too much to worry about. Time for a drink.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Deepti,
yes
yes
yes
and
yes, it’s time for you to have a drink.
January 11th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Hold on, aren’t you just posing as one of Them by positioning yourself relative to Them?
By Your authority you claim They were wrong.
I think that You are They, or at least commissioned by They to correct Their erroneous claims whilst still protecting the identity of They.
Perhaps We are all They and you have self appointed yourself to represent We.
Regardless, it’s all very confusing, no?
January 12th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
“they don’t know about us, and they’ve never heard of love”
January 13th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Dick, If Them is They and They is Them, then who am I and who are you.
Dark, jacy, very dark.
January 13th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Remember that song? I loved it.
January 13th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Opps, Jacy, didn’t put it to song, just thought it was a comment on a certain loverat.
Which song is it?