Weekly column: Do I have gymphobia?
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I resolved to go to the gym in 2008. But I haven’t gone yet and the excuses are running out.
The reason? When I look through the window of a gym, I don’t see a gym. I don’t see weight machines, cross trainers and rowing machines.
No.
I see a dungeon full of instruments of torture from the 17th-century. I see sweaty bodies grappling with big machines that have pulleys, wires and black weights that go clank when you drop them. I see people spinning spinning and spinning on one-wheeled bicycles that go nowhere.
And treadmills. Running is bad enough, but running and not moving? I got on a treadmill once. It made me feel like a hamster.
I’m not sure what it will take to remove this association between gyms and 17th-century torture chambers.
February 1st, 2008 at 3:44 am
Pick me! Pick me!
I have been looking for the same friend all month!
Nanc
February 1st, 2008 at 4:25 am
Whtever you do, don’t take the Zumba class. I took one at my gym, thinking “hey, it’s dancing. I love dancing. If I’m dancing I won’t feel like I’m exercising.” WRONG!!! It’s freaking fumble footed torture set to fun music!! Evil!!
February 1st, 2008 at 8:15 am
I just want to take the stripper class, but of course I need to lose some weight before I hoist myself up on that pole in front of a bunch of slutty toothpicks. And I can’t seem to make myself work out to get to that next goal.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:29 am
Gyms are over rated. Push ups and sit ups are a good start, and a door mounted chin up bar is easily acquired.
Plus the chance of getting a nasty staph infection are drastically less in your livingroom.
If one is waiting to loose wait before one starts exercising, watch out for scurvy and rickets.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:38 am
You must have been drinking bourbon when you made that resolution.
I hate the treadmill, I hate running. I love how it makes me feel though and once you get at it it’s not as bad. More fun to run outside, although these days you could get hit by the f*&^ing snowplow — I’m still pissed about the mailbox, sorry…..
February 1st, 2008 at 10:28 am
Why do you need to go to the gym? Aren’t you a champion swimmer or something?
February 1st, 2008 at 10:32 am
I keep telling you, the secret is a personal trainer, especially one who is young, male, good-looking and with a sense of humour, — keeps me going to the gym.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:16 am
Nanc, consider yourself picked.
MgD, “It’s freaking fumble footed torture set to fun music!!” Beautiful evocation – whatever Zumba is. I’ll take your word and never go there.
BeckEye is that what you would call a Catch 22, or perhaps Catch 44.
Dick, That’s what I like about you. You;re so practical. Don’t go to the gym to reduce your changes of catching a cold. What didn’t I think of that.
YAM, why is it that these virtuous activties always feel better when your done?
Deepti, bone density. Apparently swimming doesn’t cover off bone density. I’m told I have to start thinking about bone density.
Mare, yes, subject oneself to 17th-century instruments of torture would be more tolerable under the direction of a young, good looking, fit fellow.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:26 am
I’ve been meaning to go myself … but it’s just too hard to get out of the warm, snug bed on these cold, sluggy mornings. I’m praying that large arses come into style — or hoop skirts.
February 1st, 2008 at 5:47 pm
I will never mention the word gym around you. We can happily sit and sip our wine and nibble our nibblies and the word will never arise. Unless you ask me how I got my back injury and then I am afraid that I will turn you off exercise equipment forever.
February 1st, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Beth, big arses are so much more honest and fun, than skinny stick-insect bony arses.
Barbara, turn me off exercise equipment forever????? My dear, have a glass of wine. Here’s a bowl of nibblies. Now please, tell me, how did you injure your back.
February 2nd, 2008 at 5:10 am
Bone density, eh? All you need is a skipping rope and a couple of dumbbells for bicep/tricep curls. Ooh, for the cost of FREE, I can show you how to work on your bone density at home.
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:33 am
Deepti Bone density workouts at home for freeee. No weigh machines? No torture? No 17-th century misery? Where do I sign up?
February 2nd, 2008 at 9:41 am
Hehe, you know where to find me!
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Go for the nice hit of endorphins you’ll get after working out. Even if it is torture you’ll feel good when it’s over.
February 3rd, 2008 at 7:00 am
Chelene, I think I might have said something like that to you awhile back… its easy to give the advice, but less easy to take it
Deepti, I know where you live!
February 3rd, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Darling gymted typist,
I loathe the gym but found that by doing the classes I am more motivated to keep going.
I go to Goodlife. They have great classes AND babysitting so I really have no excuse for not going.
Next time you come down here, we’ll go to a class.
February 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 pm
Espanya, I’m soooo goin to the gym with your – esp if you have a bbsitter. We can think up new descriptions for the vile activities.
February 4th, 2008 at 8:39 am
I wasn’t referring to getting a cold, I was thinking about flesh eating disease. My interest and involvement in judo and grappling has made me aware of a number of athletes who have become hospitalized due to antibiotic resistant staph infections. I picked up some warts off the mat.
February 5th, 2008 at 6:48 am
Was that you throwing pebbles at my window last night then?
February 5th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Yes that was moi saying Deepti deepti, throw down your golden dumb bells and save my bones from anode depletion.