Gifted Typist

See my column here. Manner’s maven Miss Emily Post didn’t tell us how to de-friend people on Facebook when she wrote her book on etiquette rules in ’22. So dumping friends on Facebook can be messy, and getting dumped, even messier. Prince Harry got the boot on Facebook from his girlfriend when she changed her [...]

They’re gone now. The cat had her clumps shaved off this week. And now she has a couple of bald spots on her back and behind. That would be her buttzillion. At least she’s trendy. (Don’t tell her, but it looks like a inverted Mohawk) She’s also had the word that she gained back all [...]

You probably won’t be enriched by knowing the following S.H.I.T. facts, but if they give you a moment’s distraction from the sh*t storm of the economy or the long, cold, icy winter outside, then they will have achieved something. It’s a series. I’ll continue the list over the coming weeks in an effort to keep [...]

Twitter’s like blogging on steriods. Fast and furious in as few words as possible. Anyone else tweeting or RTing? Follow me. (But you have to sign up first) Toots. Tweets.

Get ready for the red-carpet parade of Hollywood insects on Oscar night. You know who I mean: those insectoid women with the twig-like appendages formerly known as arms and legs. Their bones protrude from underfed bodies. Their determination to drop below 100lbs. is written all over their crushed-in faces and skeletal bodies. They think it’s [...]

Today, Canada’s opening up the front room, puffing up the sofa and dusting off the side tables. Tea’s on and special biscuits are baking in the oven. Obama’s coming to town today. For six hours. But that’s an important six hours. Our old-school NeoCon prime minister Stephen Harper is in an awkward place. Canada’s late-blooming [...]

When the air temperature gets colder than the water, it causes steam to rise. On this morning the temperature was -17C and I had to breathe into my gloves to keep my hands from freezing as I awaited the magical moments when the sun filtered though the cloud and fog to mix some fantastic colours. [...]

Having lobbed off the end of the left index finger last week, I’m still debilitated. For a typist, these have been trying times. Don’t believe me? Then go ahead. Give it a try yourself. Type something without the use of your left index finger. You see?  Those F’s and T’s aren’t so easy, are they? [...]

After almost chopping off the tip of my left index finger chopping carrots the other day, I noticed blood on my keyboard. The letters T, R, F, G, B, V were stained red. How poetic, I thought. How Dylanesque. So I put out a call for lyrics for Blood on the Keyboard. The Tartan Taxidermist [...]

See my Herald column over here. People just don’t realize how hard it is for Mr. Bailout banking exec, to scrape by on $500,000 per year. What with the Park Avenue crash pad, the place in the Hamptons, the Lear jet, the yacht in the French Riviera, the Super Bowl parties in Vegas and the [...]

This is true. The letters T,R,G,F,B,V are stained red this morning with my very rare AB- blood. Never mind the metaphorical blood spilled on this typist’s keyboard over the years. Yesterday I took off one side of my left index finger while chopping carrots. I quickly re-attached the flap of skin and applied pressure to [...]

This was recently sent to me by a man. It’s a list of words that women sometimes use that men interpret literally. Have a read and put your thinking caps on. I want to do a list of nine words used by men that women women don’t get. 1) Fine: This is the word women [...]

You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish REO Speedwagon’s seventh album title

Go see my column over here. In this part of the world, winter storms have a problem. They start out pleasantly enough, but one inch of snow leads to another, and soon things are out of control. And ugly. It’s like the storm doesn’t know when to stop. Angry winds whip it into a blizzard [...]

Because one of the little typists is away and txtng to stay in touch, it’s time for more IMglish lessons. It seems like a strange way to communicate until you’re confronted with all those the tiny buttons with three letters per button. Then you heart IMglish. Please send in your best IMglishisms and I’ll post [...]