Gifted Typist

A cat’s got her own opinion of human beings. She don’t say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it. Jerome K Jerome, British novelist

Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. – Oscar Wilde, Irish playwrite, novelist, poet and wisecracker.

Recreations: smoking, drinking, swearing, pressing wild flowers -Stephen Fry, British actor

I’m just a dancer trapped in the body of a tree -Ardal O’Hanlon, Irish comedian and actor

Since you’re liking like this recent slide into scatological humour, here is the famous Spike Milligan poem Maverick Prowles. It was originally offered up by GT star commentator Tonardo Tognetti. Maverick Prowles Had Rumbling Bowels That thundered in the night. It shook the bedrooms all around And gave the folks a fright.   The doctor [...]

If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the bannisters. Don’t tell me you haven’t done it. Paul Merton, British comedian

They say men can never experience the pain of childbirth. They can if you hit them in the goolies with a cricket bat. For 14 hours. Jo Brand, British comedienne Tanya Espanya is due this week.

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage – William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

You can’t even call these bloopers or flub-ups because they came from Philip, the Duke of Diplomacy. He will have meant every racist, bigoted, stupid thing he said – from the bottom of his heart. You’ll notice that Canada is one of his favourite targets. Canadians should be honoured. 1. To a driving instructor he [...]

I declare this thing open – whatever it is. Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, opening a new annex at Vancouver City Hall

For many years I thought an innuendo was an Italian suppository   -Spike Milligan, British comedian

Anniversaries are like toilets – men usually manage to miss them – Jo Brand, British comedienne

Past posts with favourite quotes (24) Many of life’s failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. Thomas Edison, American inventor and businessman

Past posts on quotes (24) Most transvestites are just regular guys, who occasionally like to eat, drink and be Mary -Joe Joseph ( Couldn’t find anything on JJ. All I know is that he is British. Anyone have any further info?)

I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police. -Keith Richards, British musician