Gifted Typist

Just when you thought the evil estheticians have gone far enough by making the full Brazilian a bodily “must have,” now comes vajazzling.
Yes people, it’s no longer enough to have your downstairs region hot waxed, defoliated, tattooed and pierced.
Now you need crystals “down there.”
For more on this development,  link to my column here.

See my Herald column here.
Had H1N1 in the house this week.The younger typist went down with it.
It wasn’t pretty, but it was manageable, just about. He has no underlying condition.
At one point his temperature zoomed up to 104F. That scared me and we almost went to hospital.
But the fever meds knocked it back and we [...]

See my Herald column here.
Photoshopgate.
It’s the case of the model who was digitally disfigured for the Ralph Lauren ad.
We’ve been banging on for years about about the way the fashion industry is turning models into stick insects and toothpick people.
Well now, with this ad, we know the truth.
The fashion business really does want models to [...]

Link to my Herald column here.
Soccer Mom’s history!
Or at least that’s what the guy who invented her is saying.
Back in 1996 when Soccer Mom was first invented, she was part of a big tribe that acted, shopped and voted along predictable lines.
People like Karl Rove – George Bush’s special adviser – took advantage of this [...]

Go here to see my Herald column.
One was at the back up a steep pitch. Wheel barrowing was impossible so I had to carry the dirt I ordered uphill in five-gallon buckets, two at a time, like a packmule.
Six yards of dirt. Do you know how much dirt that is? Think a Mount Kilimanjaro-sized mountain [...]

Go here to read my column.
You’ve heard about the by-law that says don’t feed the ducks.
Well, I think there should be a similiar by-law that says don’t feed the politicians.
Feeding the ducks just encourages them.  Ditto politicians.
Feeding the ducks makes them dependent on you. Ditto the politicians.
Feeding the ducks puts the ducks at increased risk [...]

My Herald column is over here.
I’m fascinated by the one-upmanship in the mega-family reality TV.
First there was Jon and Kate Plus 8 with their set of twins and set of sextuplets. That seemed a lot at the time.
Then we had the Hayes family in Table for Twelve. They have two sets of twins and one [...]

See my column on Twitter and social media here.
So which one of you is on Twitter? It’s fun, like blogging on steriods.
(And you’re not allow to get all:  ew, I’m not into that cuz I’m too good – unless you’ve had a go.)
As far as the bloggies go, I’m now following:
Lisa of That’s Why fame
cdp [...]

See my Herald column here.
You’re 50, Dollface. You never looked so good.
That face, those legs, the waist. And no double chin! At 50.
But what about hot flashes? Hmmm, Babs?
And liposuction? And Botox? Are you sure that 22-year old face and body of yours are entirely natural, Doll?
Because people are talking. You should hear what the [...]

Read my column over here.
Sometimes it’s just easier to let say it with parenthesis.
There are so many different ways to celebrate this time of year.
Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice. Midnight Madness at the Mall.
I don’t care. I really don’t. They can celebrate whatever they want, however they want. No one owns it.
I just like the [...]

See my Herald column over here.
I decided to shortened Christmas this year.
It wasn’t allowed to be mentioned in this house until Dec. 1. There was no shopping or planning permitted  before that date. (Party invitations were exempted from this rule.)
When Christmas starts in October, you are sick of it by Dec. 1. Last year I [...]

See my Herald column here.
Do you sneeze every time you hear a politician speak?
Do you have problems breathing because the air is so polluted with political lies, spin and BS.
Do you want to wretch as you watch your pension evapourate into the thin air?
Do you have political pundit fatigue?
If you are suffering one or more [...]

See my Herald column here.
The people have been freed.
We can now walk in our own homes undisturbed by telemarketers from far away lands trying to sell us financial products we do not want.
We can now work in silence, uninterrupted by the constant ring of a phone with automated speech systems on the other end.
We can [...]

See my Herald column here.
The USA has Sarah Palin. They also have Obama. Rock and roll candidates, in other words.
Canada on the other hand (yes there is a federal election here too!) has the Canadian charisma triplets – Curly Harper, Larry Dion and Moe Layton.
Canadian elections are boring. Canadian politicians lack charisma. Their groomers file [...]

See my Herald column.

What do you do with them?
All wriggley, white and falling off the green bin in clumps.
What I do is get the ABBA song Dancing Queen going in my head.
Then you replace the word Dancing with the word maggot.
So you’re singing something that sounds like “diggin’ the maggot queen.”
It may not sound pretty, [...]