Gifted Typist

See my Herald column here. The people have been freed. We can now walk in our own homes undisturbed by telemarketers from far away lands trying to sell us financial products we do not want. We can now work in silence, uninterrupted by the constant ring of a phone with automated speech systems on the [...]

See my Herald column here. The USA has Sarah Palin. They also have Obama. Rock and roll candidates, in other words. Canada on the other hand (yes there is a federal election here too!) has the Canadian charisma triplets – Curly Harper, Larry Dion and Moe Layton. Canadian elections are boring. Canadian politicians lack charisma. [...]

See my Herald column. What do you do with them? All wriggley, white and falling off the green bin in clumps. What I do is get the ABBA song Dancing Queen going in my head. Then you replace the word Dancing with the word maggot. So you’re singing something that sounds like “diggin’ the maggot [...]

See this week’s Herald column here. Trust me, cat obesity is no laughing matter. When our little darling was declared obese a few months back, we decided that our cat Cheddar needed to make a few lifestyle changes. It was time for Cat Watchers. But making lifestyle changes and convincing your cat that this is [...]

Go to my Herald column here.

Go to my Herald column here. What would you rather do: “throw a party” or do “some entertaining?” Would you rather see your host relaxing and having fun, or shuffling around attending to people’s needs? Would you rather herd into the kitchen and drink beer from the bottle? Or be seated in the living room [...]

See today’s Herald column here. Flax seed and multigrain. Spinach, tomato and potato. Trans fat free. Big bold cheese flavour. Chips of a less hurried time. Huh? Walk down the chip aisle of a grocery store these days and you’d think you were in a health food store. People, they’re chips. Chips are a tasty, [...]

Go here for my Herald column on this. Think about this: In the first quarter of this year, ExxonMobil made a $10.8 billion profit. And investors were disappointed. It wasn’t enough. $10.8billion in three months wasn’t enough profit. Now think about this: skyrocketing gas prices, spiraling grocery costs, food panics all over the world. Do [...]

See my Herald column here. The writing’s on the superwall, Facebook: We’re over. I’m just not that into you anymore. At first it was fun and all about the friends. But then you started throwing donkeys, turkeys and one-eyed pirates. And poking and superpoking and the mass invitations. I was getting Facebook Fatigue. You became [...]

Go here for live column. Women used to wax floors. Now they wax themselves. I was thinking about this the other day as I was having my brows done. “Waxing is a rip roarin’ good time,” I said to the esthetician. “You do the rippin’. I do the roaring.” So she ripped. And I roared. [...]

Go here for live column I’m not normally one to gawk, but my word, women’s breasts seem to be getting big these days. Honestly, the number of supersized hooters bobbing around St. Maarten was absolutely breathtaking. And virtually all of these super boobs were supported by the most minimalist of pouch-and-string bikinis. It’s like the [...]

See live column here. You know who I mean. Spitzer aka Mr. Clean aka the Love Rat of New York. I heard a number of women call into the CBC radio program As it Happens to defend poor old Eliot. They say the wife’s to blame.  The argument goes something along the lines of this: Silda wasn’t paying [...]

Click here for live column Forget the flowers, chocolates and the racy lacy lingerie, boys. If you really want to get your gal in the mood, take home a nice bottle of vintage Lysol, fill a bucket with steaming hot water and try on a pair of yellow rubber gloves. That will get your gal [...]

See live column here. There was a time when grocery shopping was easy. Not so now. These days, the supermarket is fraught with danger, risk and – gulp – long-term consequence: evil carbs, pesticides, antibiotics and trans fats. That is why yours truly sheds the humble, mild-mannered typist persona and transforms into Ninja Girl! Ninja [...]

Go here for live column. There are two sides in this war: me vs. me On one side is the noble cause of me needing to earn a living. As you know, I’m a typist. My troops are my fingers, and by extension, arms, shoulders, upper back. My artillery consists of a keyboard, a mouse [...]