Gifted Typist

Go here for live column I get the holster and the hook to attach it to my belt. I get the fancy email address and the special passwords. I get the “cool” of behind a BlackBerry hipster. And then I get something really funny. A call. I hadn’t been anticipating this. What do I do? [...]

“There were three of us in this relationship….” Me, him and his BlackBerry. Go here for live column

Go to live column here. It happens every year at this time: GT turns green. Not sure if it’s a nutritional deficiency, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or a hitherto undiscovered branch of the family tree that started in Transylvania in the 1300s. Whatever the case, my skin is more pond-scum green than peaches and cream. [...]

Go here for live column. I resolved to go to the gym in 2008. But I haven’t gone yet and the excuses are running out. The reason? When I look through the window of a gym, I don’t see a gym. I don’t see weight machines, cross trainers and rowing machines. No. I see a [...]

See live column here. If you live in the northern part of the eastern seaboard of North America, you will know that storms can be very indecisive. They seem to wring their hands in despair over whether they should be a wet or powdery or a blizzard, or freezing rain. Because they can never make [...]

Re-gifting is so yesterday. You get a gift, re-wrap it and give it to someone else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all know about that. Even CBC’s done panel discussion on re-gifting. So what comes after re-gifting. Well, me-gifting, of course. What you do is make the special person in your life think you are thinking [...]

They’re always saying humans are hardwired. Well, I don’t buy it. (Go here for column on subject) If we were hardwired, then why can’t we do a Control-alt-delete on ourselves when we get overwhelmed with TMI? And where is our reboot button? You know, when we crash? I didn’t come with one. Did you? And [...]

I had to wonder what was up a couple of weeks ago when I went out to do my Halloween shopping and found the store heaving with plastic elves and fake trees. Go here for the column. What’s going on? All the Halloween stuff had been cleared away for Christmas and Joy to the World [...]

Don’t say you have a common cold.  Tell them you have something really exotic like Humanrhino Virus 16? Same thing, but you have to admit, Humanrhino Virus 16 sounds far more serious and worthy of sympathy. Don’t you think? Or choose a Victorian description for a cold: How about brain fever. Or putrid fever or [...]

Who’s the ugliest one of them all. Do yourself a favour. Don’t ever look at one of these things. Magnified mirrors make your skin look like a battle scene from the Crimean War. Pores look like craters, laugh lines like the Grand Canyon. It’s ugly, people. Don’t do it. Go here for the column on this [...]

NOTE GT READERS: for some reason the comments were closed on this post. I have rectified the situation. So you can comment away. In response to a local municipal bylaw that will require cats to be registered and restricted in their movements, the local cats have passed a bylaw that will require politicians to be [...]

We’ve had some labour unrest in our house these past few weeks. One of the unions is threatening to walk off the job. The issue is toilet paper. The union claims that it is not being replaced when it runs out. It has filed a grievance saying that management and the other unions are not [...]

The other day a little box popped up on my computer and gave me this message: The licensing subsystem has failed catastrophically. You must reinstall or call customer support. But here’s the thing that really got me. The only response the little box offered was OK. Excuse me? OK? You just told me I’ve had [...]

My cat Cheddar (see sidebar) has a personal hygiene problem. She also has a weight problem. So when clumps of undetermined substance accumulated in the fur in her rump area, she needed the cat equivalent of a Brazillian. Go here to read more about Cheddar’s Buttzillian.

Where I live, they are thinking about banning snakes and reptiles. That seems a little extreme. OK, yes I recall snakes and reptiles were a bit a nuisance when I was a bright young thing doing the pubs, bars and lounges on a regular basis. There were snakes and reptiles all over the streets of [...]