Archive for the 'words' Category

Imglish lessons - if you’re happy and you know it

Published June 26, 2008 in words. 7 Comments

Back by popular demand: the GT Imglish series.

Instant message + english = IMglish.

As the world gets faster and comms devices get smaller, IMglish helps us navigate the language and the world. It also helps us to spy on our children.

If a typist wishes to remain relevant and gifted, it is important for her to know these IMglishisms and spread the wrd.

So here goes.

Sometimes you have have to tell your txt partner how you’re feeling about things. These Imglishisms might help to convey happiness or something even better.

VBG very big grin

VEG very evil grin

WEG wicked evil grin

SFETE smiling from ear to ear

SETE smiling ear to ear

HHO1/2K ha ha only half kidding

HHOK ha ha only joking

HHOS ha ha only being serious

And the winner is….

Published May 18, 2008 in Uncategorized and words. 6 Comments

Gaaaane for the  use of the medical dictionary words in the following sentence. This entry caused me to snort out loud (SOL)and it incorporated 8 terms which impresses me to no end.

Pelvis got labour pain when an impotent boss rectum by beating him with a medical staff in the recovery room while yelling, “I node, you told a fibula to Seizure!”

Runners up are

Barbara, the Bad Tempered Zombie for making me snort with memories of my own Julius:

He was charged nitrates in the Caesarean section and it damn near rectum, but he found he could get home fester that way

And CP for the sheer poetry of his submission:

I node I was gonna git a terminal illness fester than a whore would start sweatin’ in church.

Thanks for all the silly entries. And thanks to Dick for sending in the dictionary in the first place. I laughed, I cried, I’ll neva be the same.

Medical Dictionary - Part 1

Published May 7, 2008 in words. 7 Comments

GT commentator Dick sent in these medical terminologies and meanings.

I’ve heard some of these definitions on this BBC radio classic.

I will post more in the days to come.

Artery……………………. The study of paintings

Bacteria………………….. Back door to cafeteria

Barium……………………. What doctors do when patients die

Benign……………………. What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section………A neighbourhood in Rome

Cat scan…………………… Searching for Kitty

Cauterize…………………. Made eye contact with her

Colic………………………. A sheep dog

I say Burma; you say Myanmar

Published May 6, 2008 in CBC Radio and words. 12 Comments

With news focusing on the cyclone in Burma, there are conflicting messages as to what the country is in fact called.

Canada, Britain and the US do not recognize the name Myanmar because it was imposed on the country by the military junta in 1989. They say Burma. Pro-democracy campaigners also call it Burma.

The New York Times, United Nations, NATO, and National Geographic call it Myanmar because that is the official name.

The CBC calls it “Burma, also known as Myanmar.”

According to the CBC new editor’s blog,

Here is what we advise: “First reference to this country should always be Burma, also known as Myanmar. Subsequent references can be Burma. “

But the BBC just says Burma. No Myanmar.

It’s general practice at the BBC to refer to the country as Burma, and the BBC News website says this is because most of its audience is familiar with that name rather than Myanmar.

When this typist crossed the border from Thailand to Burma in ‘92, the sign said Welcome to Myanmar. It wasn’t actually that welcoming, but I wasn’t about to kick up a stink to the jackbooted, military officials patrolling the border.

While this typist applauds the CBC for covering all basis, it really should choose. “Burma also know n as Myanmar” sounds clunky and indecisive, as though they are wringing their hands over what to call it.

It’s either Burma or Myanmar. But not both.

The GT style guide rules in favour of Burma because that is the name most people recognize and it is the favourite choice of pro-democracy campaigners.

Spare a thought and maybe a donation for the good people of Burma.

Words that should be banned: Happy Monday!!!!

Published May 5, 2008 in CBC Radio, Canada and words. 11 Comments

Call me a miserable SOB, but I cannot stand the chirpy, cutesy little “Happy Monday!” greeting.

Ditto Happy Tuesday-Sunday.

I don’t mind Thank God It’s Friday, or (Tell me why) I Don’t Like Mondays. I don’t mind Good Day or Hello, either. I don’t even mind Eff Off, if it’s delivered with a modicum of flare.

But Happy Monday irks me. It’s a bossy busybody greeting, part of that glib-everybody-pretend-you’re-happy movement that has swamped N. American society.

When I hear “Happy Monday” I just want to say No. That’s it. Just No.

No. No. No.

This little glibism seems to be infecting our national public broadcaster. You hear “Happy [insert day of week] ” often on the CBC’s Q program, the national arts and culture afternoon show. I gather this is supposed to pass for wit.

And our local afternoon CBC program splatters its patter with “Happy Monday!” greetings. (And there IS always an exclamation point! or three!!!) These Happy greetings are generally followed by little bouts of shallow laughter at unfunny things. Hahahaha!!!!!!!

Happy Monday is “bland”, “vacuous”, “insincere” and “insipid.”

Dump it. Kill it. Now.

Do you have orthorexia?

Published March 11, 2008 in words. 20 Comments

Orthorexia is a condition that describes people with an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating.

ortho = right or correct

rexia = appetite.

I found the term in a book I’m reading “In Defence of Food” by Michael Pollan, the fellow who wrote Omnivore’s Dilemma.

The book itself is excellent, as was his previous book Omnivore’s Dilemma. It talks about the confusion and reductionism around food. Nutritionists, food industry lobbyists and governments have reduced food to nutrients.

It’s no longer meat and veg; it’s now proteins and fats. This he says robs us of the pure pleasure of food.

The dilemma of Tom Sawyer and the N word

Published March 6, 2008 in culture and words. 13 Comments

The other night I was merrily reading Adventures of Tom Sawyer to the little typists. It’s good stuff, very funny and a great read.

But then I stumbled upon THAT word. I stopped and made the snap decision to read the word out loud.

Then, all hell broke lose. The little typists were shocked and they admonished me for using such filthy racist language. I was pleasantly surprised by their outrage. They are 11 and nine.

So we had the chat. The book was published in 1876 but it was based on Mark Twain’s memories of growing up in the South in the 1840s when racism was still rife.

I chose to read the N-word “as is” to show them how racism was deployed, even by fun likable people like Tom Sawyer. I wanted them to understand that people used that word and still do. I wanted them to see that racism still exists, sometimes it comes from fun likable people they know.

So, should I have changed the word to something else - like say “tiger? I certainly would have changed the word if I thought they were too young to understand a concept like racism. But I felt they were mature enough to have the chat.

Is it right to use N-word to educate people about racism? Or are we perpetuating it by using it?

Someone else blogged about this awhile back. I can’t recall who it was. If you see this, let me know your thoughts.

RIP Daily News

Published February 11, 2008 in politics and words. 7 Comments

Until today, my city was a two-newspaper town.

There was the broadsheet The Chronicle Herald and the tabloid Daily News.

The Daily News was the little indie upstart that thought it could. It was young and hungry thirty years ago when it first started as a community paper. As it grew, it set its sights on challenging the supremacy of the family-owned Herald with its more than 100 years of history in this town.

It was a big challenge, but The Daily News had pluck, spirit and a can-do attitude.

Sometimes, it went too far with dodgy news gathering techniques, but you’d expect that kind of boundary-pushing from an upstart tabloid. For the most part, it was a respectable tabloid with excellent political, sports and entertainment coverage.

It never truly challenged the provincial dominance of the Herald, but for awhile there was a great cross-town rivalry in our capital city.

But time was not kind to the Daily News. It’s decline began when it fell into the hands of corporate newspaper chains. It would seem that bean-counting, and not journalism, guided successive owners.

The Daily News was bought and sold several times. It underwent identity changes, and staff changes, some sudden and brutal. Its old pluck was bruised, but never extinguished.

The last owner starved the little upstart tabloid of resources and presided over a decline in circulation. This lead to financial problems which resulted in today’s closure.

It’s a sad day for the 92 Daily Newers who are out of work. But it’s also a sad day for the Herald which has lost a valued competitor. It’s a sad day for the TV and radio stations which have lost a source of “rip and read” news.

And it’s a sad day for the people in this town who have one less source of information, interpretation and - dare I say it - truth.

Stop presses for Headline of Year.

Published February 6, 2008 in Uncategorized and words. 10 Comments

This is a masterpiece. It was spotted by The Language Log. It is a headline worthy of a Nobel-prize. The story came from the Associated Press but the headline is so Fox.

Police: Crack Found in Man’s Buttocks

HAGERSTOWN, Md. (AP) — Police searching a downtown home found a man hiding 15 plastic bags of crack cocaine in his buttocks.

Pierre Lynch, 20, of Washington, D.C., was searched after he went to a home on Charles Street Thursday night.

Police had gone to the home after officers saw suspected drug dealing in the area, Sgt. Jim Robison said.

Lynch was charged with possession with the intent to distribute crack cocaine, possession of crack cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia, obstructing and hindering and making a false statement to police officers.

Books and Bad Tempered Zombies

Published February 5, 2008 in CBC Radio, culture and words. 15 Comments

In my continuing effort to satisfy the 100-Things meme challenge issued by the Bad Tempered Zombie, here is a list of the books I’m reading.

I’m not a one-book-at-a-time sort of reader. I don’t feel I need to finish one book before starting another. There is freedom in dipping into this book or that one at your pleasure. I finish most books I start, although I don’t force myself to read something that is poorly written, badly drawn and a waste of time. (DaVinci Code).

I’m not a book freak. I don’t preach on my or anyone else’s need to read. I just like having things that interest me at arm’s length. Books satisfy that. So do taped TV shows, rented videos and good friends.

My choices are non-fiction. A lot of fiction I’ve read over the last few years has underwhelmed me, even the “good” stuff. But I’m not anti-fiction, just a bit short on inspiration at the moment.

I’m a sucker for a hardcover and all but one book on this list are hardcover. I’m always open to new suggestions so please tell me what you think I’d like.

The Omnivore’s Dilemma, Michael Pollan. a seminal work on food, the food industry and our twisted relationship with food. This is a break-out book, like Fast Food National of a few years ago. He has a new one coming out called In Defense of Food which wants to put the fun back in food.

Teach Yourself Adobe Creative Suite 3 - All in One - This is work-related reading. The book covers the basis of Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Flash, Dreamweaver and Acrobat. I’m getting there with Photoshop , Acrobat and Dreamweaver, just beginning Flash and In Design, and still lost in space with Illustrator.

Cook with Jamie , Jamie Oliver - After a long, long break, I’m going back to cooking for fun. I love food and used to enjoy cooking. Jamie Oliver is an engaging character who is passionate about food and cooking. My first Jamie-cooking foray was the other night - Pot-roasted Poussins Agro Dolce with Sticky Saucepan carrots. It was a roaring success.

The Long Tail, Chris Anderson - This was the buzz book of last year. It provides a good explanation of the new business model in the Internet era. This is a world of unlimited choice, aggregators, niche markets and virtual communities that congregate around one interest. Anyone doing business, communications, manufacturing or delivering any service would benefit from this book. (Update since writing this post: I’ve finished this book. I can recommend it)

The Canon, A Whirligig Tour of the Beautiful Basics of Science Natalie Angier - Written by the science correspondent for the New York Times, this book is an eloquent and lyrical exploration of the subjects so many of us feared in school. She makes physics a joy to read. Ditto chemistry, evolutionary biology, astronomy and geology. Last night I read about the laws of thermodynamics and was thoroughly charmed and engaged. The world needs more good science writers like Angier.

Sound Bites, Alex Kapranos - Some of you may know him from Scots rock band Franz Ferdinand. This book is an eating diary recorded while he was on a world tour with the band. He discusses what he eats, where he eats it and the people he eats with. A fun book.

The (like) Language Report (for real), Susie Dent - part of a series, this book takes you to the front lines of the rapidly evolving English language. It’s not judgmental and fearful of change as some language books can be. I particularly enjoyed the Headlines section. One notable was “Dirty Harry” which appeared in The Sun after Prince Harry visited a lap dancing club.

The Mitfords, by Charlotte Mosley - letters of the six infamous Mitford sisters who shocked the world with their politics, novels, marriages and aristocratic antics during the 20th century. Their friends included Adolf Hitler, Queen Elizabeth, Evelyn Waugh, and President Kennedy. You could say that the Mitfords were the Paris Hiltons and Britney Spears of the 20th century only the Mitfords were wittier and less banal.

Quotation Marks, Marjorie Garber - written by a heavy hitter English professor from Harvard, this collection of essays applies sharp academic thinking to pop culture, among other things. Only read one of the essays, an exploration of the Jewish angle in the whole Monica Lewinsky affair. This stuff is smartly written, well referenced and a delight to read.

E= Einstein: His Life, His Thought, and His Influence on Our Culture, edited by Donald Goldsmith and Marcia Bartusiak. I’ve been at this one for about a year. It’s a collection of essays on the man’s life, his theories, family and politics. I find his physics interesting, especially Special Relativity, but the way he came up with his ideas is riveting to me. He used instinct, creativity and critical thinking to come up with his ideas and then his scientific genius to prove them.

Books on my bedside table but not yet cracked: On Beauty, Zadie Smith and Night Watch, Sarah Walters.

Bad Tempered Zombie 100-things meme count for this post: 12

Bad Tempered Zombie 100-things meme total: 35+12 = 47

Little book retired

Published January 31, 2008 in blogs and words. 11 Comments

Another little book has reached its last page.

I carry these leather-bound notebooks around everywhere to record mental ephemera of every description.

My little book contains grocery lists, movie recommendations, phone numbers, notes taken from interesting radio documentaries, jokes told to me, music recommendations, books I should (but probably won’t) read, strange thoughts, profound thoughts of others (Einstein, Goethe, Newton, my brother) and words that strike me funny or interesting.

As part of the 100-things meme challenge issued by Bad Tempered Zombie, here are a few of the things I found in my 2007 little book. Long-time GT readers may have seen some of these before.

1. ZomCom - comedy movie with zombies (for you BTZ)

2. Setjetters - people who go places to see where the movie was made.

3. Mancation - holiday for the boys

4. To be Plutoed - to be downgraded or demoted as Pluto was when it ceased to be a proper planet.

5. Euphemism of the year - extraordinary rendition, which is a nice way of saying “outsourcing torture.”

6. Overused words - core values, robust, community, faith

7. Stupid things - Size 0 in Women’s clothing

8. Musical about rock group Queen - Bohemian Crapsody. And it truly was crap. See my review.

9. My brother’s description for skinny girls - “she’s two pounds over organ failure.”

10.My brother’s description of his partner’s grey mini van - the “iron lung”

11. My brother’s observation of Sound of Music Mother Superior’s accent when she is speaking to Maria about her conflict between her vows to the church and her love for Von Trapp: “What is it you can’t face?” sounds like “What is it you cunt face?”

12. Gunt- a hybrid word describing the belly roll below the belt.

13. Toronto 401 freeway lingo - A buck twenty won’t even buy you the middle lane any more.

14. My brother’s partner’s description of someone we know - She can beat the shit out of a junk yard dog and go for lunch afterwords

15. A little joke: A bear walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender:

Bear: “I’ll have a ………………………………….. beer.”

Bartender: “Sure by why the long pause”

16. Description of someone who thinks they are too good: “That’s someone who thinks their shit don’t stink”

17. Another little joke: A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer

Bartender: How do you want to pay for that?

Duck: Just put it on my bill

18. My brother’s philosophy on a girl’s “girlfriends”: Who needs sistas when you can have gay men.

19. More overused words - dot, freedom, entitlement.

20. Another little joke: A horse goes into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink

Bartender: Sure, but why the long face.

BTZ 100-things count = 20

 

BTZ 100-things total = 35

Am I guilty of a terrible crime?

Published January 29, 2008 in words. 13 Comments

My last batch of cheques got wet during delivery. When they dried out, they puffed up and became all wrinkly.

Now I’m forced to iron out each cheque before sending it off.

Is this money laundering? Will I get busted by Interpol.

Or maybe Interpun, the international organization that monitors bad puns?

Oh, excuse me, I have to run up and double-cheque to make sure I pulled the plug on the iron.

 

“Canadian” is the new N-word in America

Published January 19, 2008 in Canada and words. 20 Comments

The word “Canadian” is now being used as crypto-racist slang, not necessarily against Canadians, but as a veiled slur against blacks.

I first discovered the reference on the Language Log under the post entitled: “No Dogs or Canadians”. The Language Log interprets it as a term emerging from the apparent incongruity: Canada is viewed as the Great White North full of white people of Northern European origin.

A lawyer in Texas blogged about a prosecutor who wrote an email saying there were 3 Canadians on a jury. Obviously Canadians can’t serve on a US jury and it was later discovered that the jury in question had three black people. Here is a snippet from the post entitled O Canada.

The email went out about winning the trial even though they had 3 “Canadians” on the jury. A black prosecutor who was offended and hurt by this email blast, went to the court where the case was tried the next day and pulled the jury list to confirm his suspicion that [the prosecutor] was using “canadian” as a code word for N****r. [The prosecutor] tried to stop the clerk from giving the prosecutor the list, but the clerk, who was black, gave it to him anyway. The 3 jurors referred to by [the prosecutor] were confirmed as being black (ie., Canadians, N****rs, etc). The blk prosecutor confronted [the prosecutor] right then and there man-to-man in private. As [the prosecutor] told his version of the story to people in power, this blk prosecutor was black-balled and is receiving “threats” right now so I cannot disclose his name. Eventually, Joe Owmby [a black senior prosecutor] did some email research on the use of this phrase — that Canadian is the racist code word for N*****, like Australian is the code word for gays — and presented it to Lyn McClellan [a white more-senior prosecutor] to stop the rift. This prosecutor was hurt and alienated by the powers that be in the office and had to quit to find a peaceful work environment.

CincyBlurg, a Canadian in Cincinnati, also blogged on this and attracted comments confirming the use. The term also appears on something called the Racial Slur Data Base which defines Canadian as “Blacks - Used as a masked replacement for ‘N*****.’”

We know that racism is alive and well, but now, apparently, it hides under the cover of otherwise respectable words. Veiled racist slang is not only hurtful and representative of the bigger problem of bigotry and prejudice, it is also slippery and harder to identify.

While Canadians should be offended their name is being used to propagate racism, they should recognize that the slur seems to be racial, not nationalistic. As for those it is directed towards, it represents a new challenge in the ugly battle of racism.

I have avoided writing out the “N-word” so as not to get picked up by Google for all the wrong reasons.

Gag-me-with-a-combine-harvester words of 2007

Published January 16, 2008 in words. 14 Comments

Since we’re having fun with lists, here is a list of the worst cliches of 2007.

These are the overused and distorted beyond all recognition words that fall out of the mouths of talking heads who to fill up air time on TV news shows, you know, to help us understand the world around us at this hour.

It was sent by GT commentator Hunt & Peck from this website. I’ve taken the words and put my own spin on them. Try not to be sick on yourself. Thanks H&P.

PERFECT STORM – a descriptive overused and distorted beyond all recognition. Was the name of a book that talked about really bad weather that sunk a boat. Now used by those who want to sound literary and probably don’t know about the book, and possibly, have never read a book.

WEBINAR – A seminar distributed on the web. The prospect of going to a seminar is bad enough, but who in their right mind would ever want to attend a webinar? The word if as painful sounding as it is pretentious.

WATERBOARDING – makes torture techniques sounds like fun at the beach.

ORGANIC – word used to make things sound natural, fuzzy and green. Organic corporate growth in the chemical industry. Yeah right.

POST 9/11 – Our post-9/11 world. Overused justifier to make the reduction of civil liberties sound inevitable and pleasing.

‘BLANK’ is the new ‘BLANK’ or ‘X’ is the new ‘Y’ – Brown is the new black; black is the new red; red is the new yellow; yellow is the new brown and you’re right back to where you started. And going in circles.

RANDOM – Popular with teenagers in many places. That’s OK. They’re teenagers, but if you’re over 25, avoid it as it will make you sound like the 25-year old loser who refused to leave high school because the “babes just keep getting younger.”

SWEET – Also popular with teens, but too many sweets make you to vomit.

POP – the creation of make-up artists. This colour makes your eyes pop. Yes, and so does sticking a needle in them.

IT IS WHAT IT IS – just say tautology. It’s more fun and people just might think you have an IQ bigger than your shoe size.

Old words; new meanings

Published January 15, 2008 in words. 13 Comments

Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. This was sent in by GT commentator Dick. Thanks.

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.