Gifted Typist

These were the search terms for a hit I had from Bostwana, Africa this morning.
It gives pause for thought. What, exactly, does a typist do?
The name of this blog came about in response to the dreaded cocktail party question:
And what do you do?
Um, erm, ahhhhh????
My resume is a dog’s breakfast. I’ve done so many things [...]

I love this expression. It applies to so many situations.
When I had water in my basement, I called my plumber and he said it was my hotwater heater, which of course is a plumber’s job.
I called my  concrete man and he said it was my foundation concrete.
I called my furnace man and he said it [...]

Because it’s no where to be found on my computer.
And that’s were I write ‘em and file ‘em away – on my computer. And I only have one computer.
So come on, people. Fess up. Now. Who took it?
It was a column – about 600 words worth. I  wrote it last week and filed it away [...]

>erbium-doped fiber amplifierfollowing quotations are allegedly published by court reporters.
They supposedly from a book called Disorder in the American  Courts. I could no find such  book on Amazon or elsewhere. They do show up on a lot of blogs though (ergo they must be true!)
Whether or not they’re true, they are funny. Thanks to Dick [...]

Thanks to GT commentator Dick for alerting me to the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational asking readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an [...]

They’re gone now.
The cat had her clumps shaved off this week.
And now she has a couple of bald spots on her back and behind. That would be her buttzillion. At least she’s trendy. (Don’t tell her, but it looks like a inverted Mohawk)
She’s also had the word that she gained back all the weight she’d [...]

After almost chopping off the tip of my left index finger chopping carrots the other day, I noticed blood on my keyboard. The letters T, R, F, G, B, V were stained red. How poetic, I thought. How Dylanesque.
So I put out a call for lyrics for Blood on the Keyboard.
The Tartan Taxidermist – also [...]

Because one of the little typists is away and txtng to stay in touch, it’s time for more IMglish lessons. It seems like a strange way to communicate until you’re confronted with all those the tiny buttons with three letters per button. Then you heart IMglish.

Please send in your best IMglishisms and I’ll post later.

AATK [...]

Not to take any of the shine off the thing, but does anyone else find the spelling of this word a little – oh, I don’t know – dysfunctional?
I mean, inaugural? Inauguration?
I had to look it up in a dictionary with real paper in real time. And I’m still not satisfied.
Shouldn’t it be inaugiril or [...]

Can you believe that?
Almonds are not nuts. They are seeds or fruits or drupes.
But not nuts.
According to Wikipedia:
Botanically, the almond seed or fruit is not a true nut, but a drupe.
This factoid is yet another thing in the great pantheon of things that I did not know.
So if someone extends a bowl and says, “Nuts?” [...]

Did you know that the word “racecar” is spelled the same backwards?
Go head. Get your pencil out and spell it backwards. See?
They call these things Palindromes. (Say, that’s also a description for Sarah who looks the same going forwards as she does going backwards. Does that make Tina Fey a “Palin”drome.)
Other examples of palindromes are:
rotavator
redivider
Hannah
A [...]

See my Herald column here.
The people have been freed.
We can now walk in our own homes undisturbed by telemarketers from far away lands trying to sell us financial products we do not want.
We can now work in silence, uninterrupted by the constant ring of a phone with automated speech systems on the other end.
We can [...]

Back by popular demand: the GT Imglish series.
Instant message + english = IMglish.
As the world gets faster and comms devices get smaller, IMglish helps us navigate the language and the world. It also helps us to spy on our children.
If a typist wishes to remain relevant and gifted, it is important for her to [...]

Gaaaane for the  use of the medical dictionary words in the following sentence. This entry caused me to snort out loud (SOL)and it incorporated 8 terms which impresses me to no end.
Pelvis got labour pain when an impotent boss rectum by beating him with a medical staff in the recovery room while yelling, “I node, you told [...]

GT commentator Dick sent in these medical terminologies and meanings.
I’ve heard some of these definitions on this BBC radio classic.
I will post more in the days to come.
Artery……………………. The study of paintings
Bacteria………………….. Back door to cafeteria
Barium……………………. What doctors do when patients die
Benign……………………. What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section………A neighbourhood in Rome
Cat [...]